EVERY DAY (2010)
Dada?
Mm.
Dada?
Mm.
There are no bad people coming, okay?
How do you know?
Well, 'cause there are two cars in the driveway.
There are plenty of other houses with no cars in the driveway
that they're going to instead.
What if they can't see the cars?
If they can't see the cars
then they need to have their eyes checked.
Good night.
Can you leave the light on?
Brighter?
Go to sleep now.
Could I have a glass of water?
When's Mama getting home?
Sometime after lunch.
Mm. This toast is burnt.
Fire me.
Is Grandpa Ernie gonna eat every meal with us?
Only if he's good.
If he's bad, we force him to eat in his own room.
Excuse me. Your room.
Gimme. I'll scrap off the burnt.
No, it's fine.
Will he smell bad? Last time he was here he smelled like pee.
Ew. can we not talk about pee during breakfast?
You can block your nose.
Like this, see? Right now, I can't smell a thing.
Are you done yet?
No.
Be done. Now. Now. Come on, come on.
Have you decided about prom yet?
Because I have to sign up for it by tomorrow.
can we talk about that when Mama gets home, please?
Will everybody at the prom be gay?
Yeah. That's why they call it the Gay and Lesbian Prom, moron.
Are lesbians gay?
Okay, that's it. No more. No more. Enough.
No more questions. Out. You.
And yes, they are.
No one's gonna do anything.
They have like a million chaperons.
I don't want you dancing with college kids, period.
What are they gonna do, rape me?
can we not talk about this right now?
I'm not interested in being with someone who's older.
I just wanna dance with other people who are gay.
I think I'd rather talk about the smell of pee.
Huh.
You know, it's very nice of you to give up your room.
Very generous.
Do I have a choice?
Come on. Hop, hop, hop, hop, hop, hop, hop, Peter Cottontall.
You know, I'm gay whether I go to the prom or not.
We'll talk about it when Mama gets home.
Do you think Grandpa Ernie will die soon?
I don't know.
Did you remember your violin music?
Yes.
Do you think people come back after they die?
Like as other people or things?
No. I mean, I, I think you sort of just die when you die.
You know, go back in the sky, all your atoms and stuff.
That's what I think.
I hope I come back as a flower.
They smell really good.
Okay. I could see that. I mean, I agree.
Flowers are good. It's a good life, a flower's life, I think.
Not a very long life, but a good life.
I'll see you later.
Don't forget your violin.
Hey, it's me.
Um, I hope you guys made it to the airport okay.
I guess I'll, I'll just meet you at baggage claim.
Um, I miss you.
God help us.
Oh, and we gotta deal with that gay prom thing.
It's not going away. Okay?
I love you.
What about anal? My straight friends tell me anal's the new oral.
So, Darren, Lindsay in the shower.
Lindsay feels Darren coming up the Panama Canal.
I haven't seen that on TV.
Maybe Lindsay straps one on
and Darren's not into it.
No. Seen it before.
Maybe he is into it.
What if they try to screw but she gets terrible gas.
Come on, people,we have five shocking moments
In every script. We only have three.
Ned, true or false. Anal's the new oral.
Uh, I'd settle for oral being the new oral, but that's me.
My wife didn't like it. It gave her the runs.
Okay. What if Lindsay develops a thing for her Dalmatian
and it turns into this incredible obsession?
Yes! Thank you. Bestiality, the final frontier. I love it.
Right?
You don't think that's a little bit unrelatable?
You're talklng like a fucklng executive.
There is nothing unrelatable about sex with animals.
I know a lot of people who've done it.
Sex with one's dog is the new sex with one's cat.
I don't give a fuck about unrelatablllty as long as it is shocking.
And what if they didn't have sex for an episode?
Personally, I'd find that pretty shocking.
Are we keeping you from something?
Sorry. Um, I have to pick up my wife at the airport.
Her father's coming in and--
When are we getting your script?
Well, I wanted to talk to you about that.
The next couple of days are gonna be kinda tough
because of Jeannie and I--
No. Monday.
Okay. Monday, I'll try.
Don't try. Just do it.
Act four. Two shocking moments.
Shit.
Hey, you made it.
Where are you?
Stuck. Traffic is unbelievable. How's Ernle?
Uh, chipper.
How was getting him there?
It's been a little tough, but we're hanging in there, right, Ernie?
Don't get a ticket, but hurry.
Dad?
At least they didn't lose our luggage. That's a relief, right?
You need the bathroom or anything?
It's just a side effect. They told us it might happen, right?
You can change as soon as you get home.
Hey I - It won't be too long now. Here you go.
Sorry I'm late. The traffic.
Doesn't matter where you're going or what time you go
it's always bad.
How are ya?
Hey, Ernie. You look good.
Welcome to the Big Apple.
You must be pooped.
It's been quite a whirlwind, huh, Dad?
I sold just about everything
except his favorite chair and ottoman.
They'll be here in a few weeks.
And his upstairs neighbor is gonna try to sell his electric wheelchair
which is too heavy to ship out.
You won't see a dime. She'll spend it on drugs.
She's 83. I think we can trust her.
She was always saying hello in the elevator
asking me how was I doing...
if she could do anything for me.
Very manipulative.
I don't even like him.
You're a good daughter.
I'm a guilty daughter.
I should have found a place for him there. He's toxic.
You couldn't keep jumping on a plane every time he fell down
or called you from some emergency room with chest pains.
I haven't spent this much time with him in 30 years.
I already feel like I did then.
He's not happy unless he can make you as depressed as he is.
Well, look. He's here.
You're gonna have to find some way to deal with it
or you're just gonna be miserable all the time.
This is perfect. I finally get three clients lined up
now I gotta cancel them.
I'm sure they'll come back.
I tried to explain to him again what I did.
He said he would like to see the studies
showing the efficacy of touch for the treatment of pain.
Oh, shit. I gotta go.
Look at this.
What?
The doctor said to keep him away from alcohol, including mouthwash.
That's why he goes through so much of it.
He's like a teenager.
At least he's not a gay one.
We gotta talk to Jonah about this gay prom thing.
I don't want him to go.
He can be mad at us, I don't give a shit.
This is Ernie's doctor in Detroit. I have to take this.
I don't want him to go. He can logic us to death.
Hello?
He's not going.
Yes, I did. Thank you for getting back to me.
Anyways, I don't want to be the one who always says no.
No. The one you gave me was two years old. It's completely outdated.
- I think it's pretty important that we present - Well, someone must have written
- something down somewhere. - the united front here, don't you think?
- He was in the hospital for two weeks. - So that I'm not always the bad guy?
No, no, no. It's another Bliss. My father lived in Belleville. Yes.
Yeah.
We've been through this.
Okay, I'm, I'm gonna leave now. I'll call you when I'm on my way back.
Welcome back.
No, he's not dead. He's in New York.
Gotta go.
Hey.
I missed you. Look at you.
It looks like you've grown two inches in a week.
Your hair is huge.
How's Ernie?
It's gonna take him a little while to get reoriented.
Pretty big change.
Is he still sad that Shirlee died?
Very. But he's been pretty sad for a long time.
How are you? I've missed you.
I had a dream the other night that your plane crashed
and you were killed.
You know, there's a much better chance of dying in a car crash
than in a plane.
Anyway, I'm back, safe and sound.
What's he thinking, you know?
There's more, Dad. You want it?
I, it gets me so pissed off, because I waited
I waited a week for the notes on that outline
and then he's Ilke, hurry up, I need it yesterday.
These taste weird.
Are these the ones from Whole Foods?
Yes, they are.
And they're the kind you like. Eat them.
My boss is very, uh...
unpredictable.
So I'm supposed to bring a check
for the prom by tomorrow.
And if I'm late, it's ten dollars extra.
Can we not talk about the prom right now?
Mama just got home.
We'll talk about it later.
You want some salad, Dad?
You need to have something. You've barely eaten all day.
I need my shit-kit.
Ned, could you? It's in the bathroom.
I can get it. I'm not dead yet, goddamn it.
What's a shit-kit?
Here, let me with that, Ernle.
It's a kit that cleans shit.
Would you mind?
This fucking thing, Jesus Ohrist! Piece of crap!
No big deal, Ernie.
Careful of the glass.
Why she didn't bring the goddamn scooter is a mystery to me!
It was too heavy, I told you.
Why the hell didn't you let me die there in the first place?
I didn't ask you to fuckin' move me here!
Ned, could you take him in his room and help him change?
Sure, I'd love to.
Ready, Ernie?
Eat. Eat.
Hey.
What are you doing?
Just chatting with some friends.
Anyone I know?
Not really. Just kids from school.
Ah. You're not talking to people you don't know, are ya?
Uh, you mean potential pedophiles?
Mm-hm.
Just the ones who live around here.
All right. It's after ten. Why don't you shut it down now?
can I have five more minutes?
No. can you just shut it down without a big negotiation?
Do you think I like coming down here and being the Internet police guy?
No. I don't.
It's after ten. Now, shut it down.
Okay. Fine. Just let me say goodbye.
I wouldn't want to be rude to a priest.
You...
You know, the day my mother married him
that morning her mother told her she was making a mistake.
That she was climbing--
Climbing into a sick bed. I know, you told me.
At my brother's funeral
he was furious at my mother for crying too loud--
for making a scene. He told her to shush at her son's funeral.
I know. I know.
He's just such an idiot.
Well, you know, he was, um
he was probably upset too. He just...
Don't. Don't.
What?
Don't come running to his defense every time I'm mad at him.
Which is pretty much all the time.
This is a huge adjustment for me
having him so close.
It's nothing I ever anticipated, okay?
It's gonna take me some time.
Okay.
How often do you and your wife have sex?
Not as often as I'd like. Why?
How often do you fantasize about someone else
when you and your wife have sex?
Not as often as I should. Why?
I've never been in a relationship for so long.
I don't know how you married guys do it, day in, day out.
Yeah, that's, uh--
I feel like I'm turning to dust.
That's how it is sometimes.
This is your son?
Yes.
He's cute.
Does he have a girlfriend?
No. Not really. Not, uh, not yet.
The B story. It doesn't work.
I've already written it, Garrett.
Rewrite it. It sucks.
He overdoses on painkillers.
That is boring.
I mean, I've seen that. I've done that.
Surprlse me. He gets high.
He runs over someone. Paralyzes them. Breaks their leg. I don't know.
Shock me.
Where are we?
We're at the doctor's, Dad.
My gums hurt. I gotta see a dentist.
Well, I'll call mine. We'll see when there's an opening.
Look, they're bleeding. I've gotta see one right away.
I'll call when we get home.
And I gotta see a urologist, too, you know.
I got, I got a rash on the head of my penis, I think.
My, my balls are unusually tender and--
Dr. Elias can look at them.
Is he a specialist?
He's a geriatric internist.
Well, I wanna see a specialist, okay?
And I gotta see a cardiologist too with this arrhythmia.
They're gonna have to up my digitalis.
One thing at a time, okay? I can't do everything.
I gotta-- I gotta pee.
Dad, I wish you wouldn't do that. I can take you.
If I gotta wear these fuckin' things--
I might as well use 'em.
You're here late.
I have to rewrite the whole B story.
Apparently, overdosing on drugs
and falling out a window is too soft.
Isn't that sort of the whole point of the episode?
The great downward spiral?
Yeah, it was. Now it's incest.
Takes the edge off.
No, thanks. I like my edge.
Why are you still here?
Oh, my ex is moving out. Finally.
It's better if I'm not there.
How long have you guys been together?
Too long. Almost a year.
Hmm. Is he a writer?
Actor.
Ooh.
Never again.
Yeah.
They're so fucking needy.
How long have you and your wife been together?
Uh, 19 years.
Wow! Nineteen years?
Yeah, we met in college.
That is quite an accomplishment in this business.
Yeah.
Two kids?
Three. My father-in-law's the youngest.
Oh, that sucks.
Yes, it does, actually.
I mean, it's one thing if it's your parent, but taking care of someone else's.
You gotta be a saint.
I'm sure your wife is very appreciative.
You'll have a Get Out of Jail Free card for the next ten years.
Could come in handy.
Hang in there, Mother Teresa.
Later.
And then they tell us we have to see
three other doctors every three months
at the VA just so they can approve covering the cost
of all the meds he's taking.
These can't be his regular doctors.
We have to see other doctors in between those doctors.
He's taking 17 prescription drugs. Seventeen.
Anything good? We could start a side business.
The Procrit alone costs $900 a month
and that's not even one of the ones they cover.
Ouch. Okay. No more work day, okay?
No, no more, no more doctors.
No more meds.
No more, no more irritating bowel disorders.
Irritable bowel syndrome.
Okay. No more bowel anything. Okay?
I told Jonah he could go to the prom.
I thought we were gonna present
a united front on this one.
He needs to be with other kids like him, Ned.
Okay, but he doesn't need to be with guys who are ten years older than him.
He's just gonna get hit on.
There are plenty of chaperons.
Who'll what? Follow him into a bathroom when he gets a blow job in a stall?
He's not going there for sex.
He's gonna be with his friends from the G S A.
How do you know what he's gonna do?
We don't even know what he's doing.
He's on that computer all night.
I have no idea who he's talking to.
Do you know who he's talking to?
If we're too controlling, he's just gonna act out in other ways
that'll end up being even worse.
You mean if I'm too controlling.
God damn It I
I'll go.
He's my fucking father.
can it be sooner? His gums are bleeding.
That would be great. Yes. Thank you so much.
Wai-wai-wai-wait, wait, wait. Could you hold the elevator, please?
Sure, ma'am.
Great. Thank you so much. They can see you next week.
Yeah, what about the urologist?
Every time I pee, it stings like a son of a bitch.
You should feel my balls. Oh.
He's 13. What do I do with a fucking 13-year-old?
You play catch with him.
No, you play catch with him.
The only balls I touch are Randy's.
And even those I'm getting bored with.
It's not about what you do, Garrett.
This is about you two bonding.
And it's only for a couple of weeks.
Oh, his son's so angry since the divorce.
And then Randy phones him, he gets angry, then he's crying
and then he hangs up.
It's torture.
Fantastic first script. Applause for Brian.
Give it up, let's hear it.
Those sorority girls, they're nasty.
I love 'em. This is good.
Very testosterone. Very male.
Little tweak. Not too bad.
Fucking fantastic first script.
Thank you very much.
How's yours coming along?
Oh, good. You know.
No, I don't. That's why I'm asking.
It's just, I'm in the thick of it still.
Can't tell yet. But I think good.
That's reassuring.
You should work on your legato.
It's an Italian word.
It means to bind, to tie together.
From the Latin, ligare.
I'm just learning it.
You're learning it wrong.
Your bowing's jerky.
Did you ever play the violin?
I know what good musicianship is.
I was a percussionist in high school and the Army.
I listen to Ellington and Basie. It's not just about the notes.
He's just beginning it, Dad. It's a very difficult piece.
If you learn it wrong, it's twice as difficult.
He's playing for enjoyment.
He's not planning on being a professional.
Well, I guess then it doesn't matter how well he plays.
You were never able to take criticism either.
I think it depends on how it's given.
There's no easy way to give it. It's like medicine.
You just take it, if you really want to get better.
Night.
What am I gonna do with his son when he comes?
Randy says he's a real boy-boy.
I have no idea what a boy-boy talks about.
What do you talk about with your son?
Uh, clean your room, shut down the computer, things like that.
How long have you and Randy been together?
Two and a half years. It's a record.
Except when I was 15 and I fell madly in love with a seminarian.
How old was he?
Twenty-five.
Must have been weird.
I mean, you know, the whole age difference.
Some gays like 'em young.
Night, Garrett.
He was supposed to call me back by six.
He increased the dosage and so now he's getting dizzy.
He also is complaining about constipation.
You know what? If you could just have him call me back
that would be great.
Ow, God! Damn him!
Don't you have some homework to do?
You okay?
Mama burnt dinner again.
We spent five hours at the VA waiting to see someone.
Flnally I just left. I had to pick up Ethan.
So now I'm taking him back there tomorrow.
It's okay. I didn't want lasagna anyway.
I can't do it all. Chauffeur him to the doctor
pick up Ethan, go shopping, make dinner
try to resuscitate my nonexistent, fucking career.
It's fine. We can order out.
You can never have too many burritos.
I'm off
Hey, hey, whoa-whoa- whoa-whoa. Come here.
What?
You're going to the prom like that?
Yeah, it's a dance. It's not like a formal thing.
Don't they have a dress code or anything?
I think he looks fantastic.
Thanks.
You look great. You look hot.
Knock 'em dead. Have fun.
I want you to change.
Ned.
I think he should change or he can't go.
This is what people wear to a dance.
Why don't you just go in a jockstrap?
You're being ridiculous.
You can sorta see the outline of your penis in those.
Will you shut up?
You can't go dressed like that. I'm sor--
I'm gonna tell Ashley's mother you're not coming.
Okay, fine, fine. I'll change.
Thank you.
Asshole.
Hey! Hey! Say that again and you're never going to a dance.
He can't go dressed like a hustler.
What's a hustler?
That doesn't concern you. Will you go to your room, please?
You're overreacting.
If that was your daughter, would you tell her, uh
that, uh, she looked hot and to knock'em dead?
- I want him to enjoy himself. - No, no, no.
But, but if it was your daughter
going out dressed like that, you'd be, like, bye, honey.
Nice tits. Have fun at the dance.
He's not our daughter, he's our son.
Who's gay. It's the same thing except you can't get pregnant.
He's not stupid, Ned.
No, but he's horny. That makes people stupid.
Is it some pedophile you're worried about
or the thought of him doing it with another boy?
Have you even told anybody that he's gay?
I'm off. Is that better?
Yes. Thank you.
You look nice. My sweater looks good on you.
Great. See ya.
I'll pick you up in front of the hotel at 11:30, okay?
Did that sweater look that gay on me?
I have to get something to drink. Okay.
Who Is that?
It's Ethan.
Come here.
Hey.
Hey, do me a favor, would ya, pal?
There's some, some pills in the kitchen.
Go get 'em for me, okay?
I don't know where they are. I'll ask my mom.
No, no, no, no. I don't wanna disturb your mother, okay?
Look, I, I, I bother her too much as it is.
Besides, we don't want her to get mad at us, huh?
They're in a cabinet over the fridge.
Little, uh, little white pills.
I'll, I'll give you a dollar, okay? Come on.
Good boy.
Hey. There you go, champ.
Open that thing up for me, will ya? My fingers are too stiff.
What are you doing?
You can't have any of those, Dad. I told you.
If they kill me, good. Good. Ah, who the hell cares anyway?
I care!
Go to bed, Ethan.
He told me not to bother you.
It's okay. It's not your fault.
We'll talk about it tomorrow. It's okay.
You wanna kill yourself, Dad, you should have done it
before I moved you out here and saved me the trouble.
But you're not doing it in my house
and you're not using my son as an accomplice.
So, you here by yourself?
Uh, no. No. I'm, I'm with a friend from school.
Oh, cool.
Male or female?
Uh, female.
How 'bout you?
Oh, boyfriend.
Yeah, but we're breaking up.
Do you wanna dance?
Yeah. Sure.
Come on.
What do you think?
They said they'll probably have an opening by the end of the month.
He'll hate it, but he hates everything, so what difference does it make?
Four thousand a month?
Uh, more.
Depends on what level of care he needs.
The really nice ones are between five and ten.
can he afford it?
No, we'd have to pitch in about $3,000 a month.
Ah.
Unless you wanna keep him here.
But then you'll have to pay for my institutionalization
which will probably end up costing you even more.
I don't know what I was thinking.
It's like, 20 years of therapy, you think I'd never had any.
Well--
it's a good thing I love my job.
I better go pick up Jonah.
Before someone else does.
It's almost 12.
Yeah. Okay. Sorry. But five more minutes? This song is about to end.
Now. You were supposed to meet me outside.
Where's Ashley?
Her mom picked her up early.
Okay. Let's go. I'm double parked.
Oh, my God! That was so much fun.
I think I just lost five pounds in sweat.
I just couldn't stop dancing.
What happened to Ashley?
Um, she got nauseous
so her mom had to pick her up early.
How was the food?
I think that's what made her nauseous. I, myself, avoided the sushi.
Mm.
So, who'd you dance with?
Um, mostly Ashley.
Um, and then when she left
I met this group of girls from Taft
and I became their best friend.
Who was the guy you were with when I came in?
Uh, Ian, I think was his name.
But I'm not sure. The music was too loud.
How old is he?
I feel like this is the third degree or something.
No, no, no. I'm just, you know, interested.
Well, uh, sorry.
He didn't show me his birth certificate, so I, I'm, I'm not
I'm not sure how old he was.
Definitely looked like he was in college to me.
I personally think you'd be better off
going out with someone who's a little more your age.
We're not going out. We danced. We met at a dance.
You mind if we not talk about this, because I had a good time.
And I'd rather not wreck it.
Okay.
No, no, It's, It's like a homeless shelter. Look.
He designs million-dollar houses.
He can't live in a fucking cave.
Wow.
Seems in a pretty shitty mood.
I'm, uh, I'm guessing it's my script. I saw him reading it at lunch and--
He say anything to you?
No, he's just tired and grumpy.
I'm sure it's got nothing to do with your script.
Really seemed to love yours.
Well, I got a rape, a threesome, and a mutilated pet.
What's not to love?
That's true.
Come on, he's just being generous.
I'm sure he's gonna rewrite the whole thing.
Brian, there you are.
Uh, Garrett wants to distribute your script this afternoon
and a couple of your names didn't clear.
I need you to give me some alternatives.
Absolutely.
Wow. Looks like he doesn't plan on touchlng a thlng.
That's great.
Ah, it's just beginner's luck.
Gah, I tell you what, he is going to be raving about your script
in exactly the same way. Hmm?
Wow.
Ernie?
You should get dressed.
We have to leave for Ethan's concert.
Uh, look, I really need to stay near a bathroom.
Why don't you just go ahead, okay?
I, I promlse I won't kill myself while you're gone, all right?
Uh-huh.
Scout's honor.
I'll lock up the knives.
We won't be late.
What were you dreaming about?
Nothin'. I was listening to Butch Miles.
He was Count Basie's best drummer, after Jo Jones.
Met him once. But I was too nervous to even say hello.
Your mother did all the talking.
So I bought him a cap gun, a water gun.
I bought him a baseball glove made out of kangaroo leather.
I bought him a, a hoop, a hoop thing, for basketball, hydra something.
Hydra-Rib. Yeah. What'd that run you?
Like, uh, six, seven hundred bucks.
As long as I don't have to touch the thing
or watch a kung fu movie, I don't give a shit.
Randy's in charge of athletics. I just sign the checks.
You change those names?
Yeah, it's done.
The script doesn't work.
It just, it doesn't work.
Okay.
It's boring. The marriage is boring. The drinking is boring.
His fight over those boring kids is boring.
I just want something else. I want something unexpected.
Okay.
Let him screw a hooker with AIDS.
Okay.
No, no, no. He's-- I've seen that before.
Just something new.
You've been married a gazillion years.
You must be bored senseless.
What do you wanna do?
Uh, I'll find something.
Yeah, well, find it with Robin. She's gonna help you.
She's been on the show since the beginning.
She was with me in L.A. She knows what I like.
Keep it fresh, right, and sexual.
You know, there's not enough sex in this episode anyway.
And do it by Thursday 'cause the studio's on my back.
Look, It's a process. And It's hard.
And no one's getting fired.
Marni? What time am I editing?
Well. That went even worse than I imagined it would.
Ned, it's not that big a deal.
He over-dramatizes things. You know that.
Yeah.
I read it, I thought it was good.
When were you gonna tell me?
He asked me not to say anything.
Okay, look. We're gonna go through it. We'll come up with some new beats.
We'll throw in some sex with a 15-year-old. He will love it.
- Yeah. Try a five-year-old, then you're in the ballpark. - It'll be fun.
- We can work at my place. - We can work here. - It's right over the bridge.
- I hate this place. - It's fine. - It's too sterile.
I do it all the time, all right? We're gonna order in.
It's not even gonna feel like work.
Wow. This is, uh, impressive.
Writing for television does have its perks.
So I hear.
Sorry.
Don't worry.
Hey.
Where are you?
His concert's about to start.
Oh, shit!
I completely forgot.
I have to work.
Garrett hated the script.
He didn't hate it. Stop exaggerating.
Who is that?
Robin. He, uh, he wants her to rewrite it for me.
Wlth you, asshole.
We have to re-break it and give it to him by Monday.
I'm sorry. There's nothing I can do.
Okay.
Tell Ethan I'm really bummed, all right?
I'm sure he'll understand.
Look, I have to go. It's about to start.
Tell him I want a private recital tomorrow night.
Okay? Love you.
Love you too.
I say we swim before we work.
Helps wipe the slate clean.
My ex's. The only thing of his I didn't burn.
Basement. Meet you there.
Uh--
Okay. I am now officially coveting your life.
Isn't it fab?
And no one's ever in it. I got spoiled living in L.A.
There's just something so primal about swimming, so purifying.
You're really good at this, aren't you?
At what?
You know how to live.
Well, I figure you better enjoy it while you got it.
The world could end tomorrow, right?
What if he fucks his boss?
Uh, his wife's pregnant.
Don't you think the audience would hate him?
I don't think so.
I think he's overwhelmed, he's ambivalent.
I bet 80% percent of the male audience has either done it
or wished they'd done it.
And maybe she's addicted to doing it in public.
Dressing rooms, parks, at work.
The danger's just an incredible turn-on for both of them.
It's like she introduces him to his deepest, darkest desires.
Just a thought.
Could work.
We should probably start. Time's a wastin'.
Um, I'm, I'm, I'm just gonna, you know, swim a couple laps.
Purify myself.
Okay.
Shit.
I stlll think I suck.
You didn't suck. You were fantastic.
He knows he didn't suck.
He's just, he's being manipulative
as a way to get more praise.
First of all, you don't play the violin, so you don't know.
Mm-hmm.
And second of all, you always say you didn't do good on a test
and then you get it back and it's an A.
That's entirely different because you can't know how you did on a test.
It's late, you guys. Wash up and get ready for bed.
You can't know how you did in a concert, either.
Dad, we're home.
And you don't know how it's supposed to sound
'cause you're not a musician.
♫ No gal made Puts a shade ♫
♫ Sweet Georgia Brown ♫
♫ Guys all sigh, I wanna die, for Sweet Georgia Brown ♫
Oh, God. Oh, God.
Hey.
I got it, Dad.
Have a little nightcap, you know?
Jonah, can you help me?
Shirlee and I always liked to have a little night cap.
Hey, where is old Shirlee, anyways? Shirlee
Help me?
All right. I need a refill.
All right. We'll stand up first and then I'll have a re-- Oh.
Are you sure, I mean, absolutely sure
we have 28 shocking moments in every act?
Maybe we should count them.
I think he's gonna be in little piggy heaven.
What pig wouldn't be in heaven? Sex in public? Mm?
True.
You know, I should get a partner.
This is so much more fun than writing alone.
Oh, it has its pros and cons, believe me.
Well, you are definitely a pro.
You're very good at this.
So are you.
You just need to listen to that voice inside.
Trust it. Fuck what people say.
Hmm.
The only trouble is
all the other voices all demanding equal time.
Gets difficult to hear your own.
Hmm.
I don't think that, uh, well, I don't think I, I can--
Sure you can.
I don't think I can.
Yeah. Just think of it as a creative release. Okay?
I can't. I'm sorry.
I'm sorry. I, I, I can't do this.
How's Ernie?
Sleeping, finally.
I thought putting it out of reach would be safe.
I guess I underestimated his resourcefulness.
How was Ethan's concert?
Long. But he did great.
I'm sorry I wasn't there.
I didn't have a choice. I had to work.
Does drinking help the creative process?
We had some wine. Is that a problem?
I have a job.
If I wanna keep it, certain things are required of me.
Okay, fine. Be angry. Why should tonight be any different?
I just wiped my father's ass and now I'm cleaning up the vomit
from his alcoholic bender. Am I allowed to be angry?
You're always angry.
You have a shitty father, all right?
He's critical. He's negative. He doesn't love you.
How long are you going to hold onto them
until he's fuckin' dead?
So you're the only one who gets to be angry.
I can see that what's happening here is a huge downer for you.
You can add it to your list, next to gay son
sucky job, and wife who's over forty.
It's not quite the party you were hoping for?
Maybe there's a better one happening somewhere else.
I'm sorry I missed your thing.
Mama said you were fantastic.
I sucked.
Oh, God. You didn't suck.
You sounded great.
Ernie got drunk and had diarrhea.
I heard.
It got on the floor and Mama stepped in it.
Well, that explains her chipper mood.
Then she started to cry.
Get some sleep.
Oongratulations.
Morning.
Hey, so listen. I'm gonna go to Emily's tonight
and do some homework and maybe watch a movie.
Is Emily's mother gonna be there?
Why? I'm gay.
I'd still like an adult to be present.
Sarah says she's bi, but she hasn't even told her mother yet.
That's because Sarah's only 12 years old.
How can you possibly know what you are
when you're only 12 years old?
Jonah knew when he was 12.
Okay, you. Come on. Come on. I'm driving today and
I can't be late. Let's go.
So can I tell Emily that It's cool?
I can't take you.
I have to take Ernie to an appolntment
that's gonna last a long time
and then I'm making dinner and I just can't take you.
It's, it's okay. I can walk.
Thanks.
So you're meeting me there, right?
I will if I can.
I can't do this alone, Ned.
Can you please tell Garrett it's an emergency?
I haven't even told Ernie yet.
Yeah, yeah. I'll, I'll, I'll meet you there.
Tonight's okay. So pick me up
at the corner of Lexington and Jackson at seven.
I brought you some tea and toast.
My head is throbbing.
And some aspirin.
No, I'm too nauseous.
That was a lot of gin you consumed.
It's better if you keep it in the freezer.
It's better if you don't drink it.
That's what the doctor said, right?
What the hell do the doctors know?
They thought Tommy had a parasite.
I found a place I think you'll like.
There's a nurse there on the premises.
They can bring you whatever you like.
It's just not working here, Dad.
I think you were right.
It was a mistake to bring you out here.
You did the best you could.
I shouldn't have had children.
Shouldn't have been a father.
I didn't like mine, either.
Well, I don't give a fuck what they think.
I am not changing a word. Not a period, not a semicolon.
This is the story I'm telling. Okay.
I do not know if I'm gonna make this season.
The fucking bloodsuckers are sucking me dry.
Good first act.
Rewrite, excellent. The whole sex in public session, I like it.
Need the rest by tomorrow.
Uh, Garrett, is there any chance I could--?
Tomorrow.
The pollen count.
It must be at an all-time high. What is this?
Okay. Three more acts to go. Easy as pie.
I'm thinking In Act Four--
Listen. Last night, I--
Just forget about it.
No. I shouldn't have--
I shouldn't have, either.
We were drinking. We were loose. You're cute.
It won't happen again.
Let me just grab a coffee, I'll be back in a sec.
I can't. Uh--
Do you, do you think maybe we could do this later, like
in a couple of hours?
Yeah. No problem. If I'm not here, I'll be at my place.
Stop by whenever. I will get us a little sushi.
Brain food. We can zip right through it.
I think if we put up some of your art posters
your chair and your ottoman could go over here.
Maybe we could get a little bookshelf.
That'd be nice.
We've got, uh, quite a few residents from the Midwest.
Your neighbor across the hall is from Ohio
I believe. He was a cardiologist.
My brother was a cardiologist.
He thought it made him God.
I think he'll be very happy here.
He won't be happy anywhere. He's been depressed since the '50s.
The dining room looks nice.
And they have, uh, that, that art appreciation guy
who comes in once a week. I mean, that's right up your alley.
Sorry.
Hey. No, I told him. Twice.
It is an emergency.
I was a writer, too.
Published 15 novels.
Three of them optloned by a major motion picture studio.
Uh, look, I gotta go.
It is-- I know. I know it's important.
I was the head of Radiology
at Mount Sinai Hospital for 40 years.
Now I don't even know my own name.
Look, tell him I'll be there in an hour. I'm leaving now.
You movlng in, hon? Or just visiting?
We're all just visiting, aren't we?
Are you hungry?
I found a deli that might even be better than Abe's.
This is nice, isn't it?
It reminds me of that house we rented.
I don't remember.
Belleville Lake? I was a senior.
It was the summer before Tommy died?
I don't know how you survive losing a child.
Define survival.
I saw my first psychiatrist, I was 28 years old.
Dr. Hochman.
He told me that happiness
given my family history
was an unrealistic expectation.
You should have found another doctor.
I did.
Dr. Hochman proved correct in his analysis.
Okay, I'm gonna go.
What time will you be back?
Um, by eleven?
All right. Call me before you leave, okay?
Maybe Dada will pick you up.
Uh, it's no big deal. I, I can walk.
Okay.
I'll have my cell on. All right, bye.
Bye, love.
Ernie needs you. He's having another anxiety attack.
Hey.
You smell good.
What's up, man? He's with me.
So you want anything to drink?
Uh, I'm cool.
I'll get you a beer, okay?
I think we should probably go in the nonalcoholic section.
Look, it doesn't matter. These guys know me here. They're cool.
I can't remember the last time I got high.
Hmm. I do my best thinking stoned.
Gets me out of the whole linear thing, you know.
Think outside the box.
Hate the box.
It's never good.
I mean, if I was writing a novel, I couldn't get past page one.
But, I mean, we're not exactly curing cancer, right?
Now wait, no, no, no. Never underestimate the healing powers of, uh
butt-plugs and three-ways.
So true.
Hey.
How's it going?
Good. You know, it's, uh, work.
How late do you think you'll be?
Um, I don't know. Why?
Maybe you could pick Jonah up on your way home?
I will if I can.
Ernie's having an anxiety attack.
He's upset about moving.
Makes sense.
We went to Murray's for lunch.
We had a picnic on the beach.
It was kind of fun, actually.
That's a switch. Now that you're kicking him out
you actually like him.
Fuck--you.
Sorry. Look, I should probably go. I--
I have to finish this tonight.
I'll call you when I'm on my way home, okay?
Your turn.
This is surreal.
It's like I've stepped into someone else's life.
Maybe it's your life and you're stepping back into it.
Ooh. That scares me even more.
Jeannie doesn't do drugs. She likes to be in control.
She likes the illusion of control.
Life is too short for illusions.
I just wanna have fun before the party ends.
What? No,I have company.
None of your business.
Let's go for a swim. Come on.
Come on. Come on.
What are those?
Just a little something to enhance the experience, okay?
It's a Foxy. It's better than X.
Lasts twice as long and doesn't make you nauseous. Come on.
No. I don't do drugs.
God, you don't do anything.
Your parents have you under a lock and key.
This is gonna serve 'em right for not trusting you. Here. Open your mouth.
No.
All right.
Here, swallow it?
Yes. You're gonna like it. Trust me.Come here.
Hi. I'm sorry to call so late.
It's Jeannie Freed, Jonah's mother.
He was supposed to be home at 11 and I left him a mes--
I thought he was spending the evening with Emily.
I must have misunderstood.
Okay. Sorry to wake you up. Bye-bye.
Dad, what's wrong?
I can't breathe.
You're very cold. I'm calling an ambulance.
Must cost a fortune to live here.
The more you spend, the more you get. It's the law of attraction.
No matter how much I make, it seems like we're always saving for the future.
Your future is here, Ned. Right here. Right now.
Yeah.
Who the hell are you fucking now, your dad?
I told you I was busy.
Um, it, it's, it's okay. Uh, I, I should go.
This another one of your colleagues?
You know what, it's none of your fucking business.
No. Well, I mean, yeah, but, uh, hi.
I'm, I'm sorry.
There, this is a, this, I should go.
No, don't. He is. Now.
I need to talk to you.
- No, you need to get your uninvited ass outta here. - Hang on, hang on.
Not until we have fucking talked!
- No, no, no, wait. - Matt! What are you--?
What is he doing? Oh.
Get away from him. What are you thinking?
Matt, don't, no! Get off of him!
You idiot!
That fucking moron bit me!
Jesus! Matt!
You okay?
Yeah. I'm good. I'm good.
What?
I just need to talk to you.
Oh, fine.
I can't belleve you jumped in with the Rolex I gave you.
Costs like $4,000, you jerk-off.
How is he?
What happened to you? Your eye's all swollen.
Someone, uh, opened a door as I was leaving
and it smashed into my face. What's happening?
I don't know what's happening.
I'm waiting for the doctor to come out and tell me.
I don't know where Jonah is.
Did you leave a message on his phone?
I've left three.
Did you try calling his friends? What about Jasmine?
He hasn't been friends with Jasmine in over a year.
Okay. What about the other one? Ashley.
It was 11:30 at night. I called you
but you were too busy to answer.
Hey, it's me.
Uh, we're pretty worried about you, so call us back, okay?
Little shit.
You smell like chlorine.
Oh, come on. It's not a big deal. It was half a tab.
Listen, I need to go because I told them I'd be home. Excuse me.
You always do what your mommy and daddy tell you to? Look.
There's an upstairs. Fifteen minutes.
We can do so much in 15 minutes.
This is why you came, isn't it?
I told you I wasn't into drugs.
I don't understand what that means.
The heart's operating at about 20% capacity.
The blood flow's just enough to keep the muscle allve
but it won't be for long.
And what do you recommend?
We could run more tests, some of them invasive
and see what our options are.
Don't you think we should--?
And the alternative to that would be what?
To let nature take its course.
What does that mean in terms of a prognosis?
It's not an exact science.
But my guess would be two months at the most.
Probably less.
It's Jonah.
How are you feeling?
I don't like hospitals.
Your heart's not so good.
In fact, it sort of sucks.
They wanna go in and do some tests.
No!
No more tests.
Ernie, if they don't do something--
"Despise not death
"but welcome it, for nature wills it
like all else." No more tests.
So what happened to your face?
I was, uh, leaving work
and someone slammed a door in it.
Where were you?
Uh, I went, I went dancing with some friends from G S A.
They wanted to, to stay, so.
Was it fun?
It was okay.
Did you meet anybody interesting?
No.
You will, you know.
You're gonna find someone great.
A great guy who's just right for you.
I promise.
Is he okay?
He seemed shaky.
I don't know what happened.
Did you guys have a fight?
No.
How's Ernie?
They brought him home in an ambulance.
Hospital policy.
He thought it was a police escort.
He seemed to enjoy it.
That was some sharp door.
Yeah.
Well, where is he? I'm not waiting any longer.
Marni, call Ned. Tell him we're moving on. And--
Sorry. I was just finishing this up.
What happened to your eye?
Slammed it into my steering wheel.
Did it help?
Look, what if it's like, um--
What if it's like one of those, uh, uh, those sexual assaults in Mexico.
I forget the name of the town.
Uh, Ciudad Juarez.
We're breaking episode eight.
Yeah, right. It's like, you know, the women are, um, uh, kidnapped and raped
and, uh, sometimes tortured and killed.
Better.
They actually cut the nipples off of the ladies
and they keep them for mementos.
That's disgusting. Use it for sweeps.
Why stop there?
Why not make one of them a cannibal?
You know, maybe you could take the husbands of the women and, uh
and, uh, slice off their penises and, uh
do what that guy in Germany did.
You know, flambé and eat it with a nice glass of sherry
before he hacks off the rest of their limbs
and freezes that for further consumption.
I mean, that'd really get 'em talking by the water cooler, huh?
And then for the big finale, maybe we could, oh, I don't know
scour the atrocities of, uh, Rwanda and Darfur.
Forget the Nazi death camps, I mean, those guys were pussies.
And see if we can't find some more
fun-filled sadomasochistic games to keep 'em tunin' in.
That'd be fuckin' fantastic, right?
Shock 'em to death.
Are you done?
To a crisp.
Oh, and I didn't slam my eye into a steering wheel.
I mean, how fucking dumb would that be?
I was attacked by Robin's psychopathic ex-boyfriend
while she and I were having public sex
In her very luxurious,very warm, black-bottom swimming pool.
Are you fucking crazy?
Sorry. It all just sorta came out.
I told them you were kidding
that you're stressed out over your father-in-law.
Look, Ned, I'm sorry about what happened with my ex.
He just gets wacko sometimes.
You should get a restraining order.
Well, at least I'm not stuck in a bad marriage.
I can get out whenever it--
Stops being fun?
I never said it was a bad marriage.
You were fucking me underwater. I just assumed.
I thought fun is what you were missing.
Yeah.
Me too.
We used to do this when I was little.
Pick up something, join us.
Dad, what happened?
What's happening?
I better lay down.
My legs are cold.
can't feel my toes.
She said you might have trouble with your circulation.
Your hands are warm.
I don't wanna die alone.
You won't.
I'm right here.
"Nothing happens to anybody which is not fitted by nature to bear."
Bullshit.
I couldn't say goodbye to Tommy before he died.
I couldn't watch.
Dr. Karlin had to give me a sedative.
I wasn't able to bear that--
losing Tommy.
You're only human, Dad. He was your son.
They're good, your boys.
They're beautlful.
I'm very lucky.
Sometimes luck has nothing to do with it.
How's Ernie?
I think he's okay.
He doesn't seem to be in any pain, so.
Thank you, God, for morphine.
It's hard, isn't it?
The whole--parents, children--
being married.
Yeah.
Kinda tough.
We have those two beautiful boys.
We must be doing something right.
Look--
Don't.
We'll talk about it later.
We'll work it out then, okay?
You look good.
I feel old.
But you look good, that's the main thing.
I think Ernie needs you.
Fantastic rewrite.
Midget sex?
Christian Right's gonna be all over this.
What are you doing?
Leaving.
Just, uh, assumed after my little, you know.
Self-righteous hyperbolic rant?
Yeah, that.
Well, not unless you ask me nicely.
You were right.
Now, don't get used to that. I don't say that very often.
But, you know, sometimes I go over the top.
The women sex torture thing.
And even cable isn't ready for cannibalism yet.
But, I do think a good flambé penis story
you can put in on children's television. Somewhere.
Just, I'll get it in. Next season. And you--
Good to see you come out
get out of the box and just fight there.
That was great. Let loose.
Do it more often.
My son is gay.
He came out six months ago, but he's--
he's known since he was twelve.
I just--
just thought you should know that.
Look at you.
You're not nearly as boring as you pretend to be.
Can I hold him?
He's heavy.
Are all his bones in here and everything?
Pretty much. That's him.
I don't think I want to be cremated.
I do.
I don't wanna take years to decompose underground.
I don't really wanna be burned, either.
I'm not sure what the alternative is.
Maybe I can be stuffed or something.
That way I'd always be around.
♫ Let's go drifting through the trees ♫
♫ Let's go sailing on the sea ♫
♫ Let's go dancing on the juke-joint floor ♫
♫ And leave our troubles all behind, and have a party ♫
♫ So easily forgotten are the most Important things ♫
♫ Like the melody and the moonlight in your eyes ♫
♫ And a song that lasts forever ♫
♫ keeps on getting better all the time ♫
♫ 'Cause life is beautiful, life Is wondrous ♫
♫ Every star above is shining just for us ♫
♫ Life is beautiful, on a stormy night ♫
♫ Somewhere in the world ♫
♫ the sun is shining bright ♫
♫ I get crazy, so afraid ♫
♫ that I might lose you one fine day ♫
♫ And I'll be nothing but a tired old man ♫
♫ And I don't wanna be without you at the party ♫
♫ So easily forgotten, the most important thing ♫
♫ is that I love you, I do ♫
♫ And I want to spend my days and nights ♫
♫ walking through this crazy world with you ♫
♫ Life is beautiful, life is wondrous ♫
♫ Every star above is shining just for us ♫
♫ Life is beautiful, on a stormy night ♫
♫ Somewhere in the world the sun is shining bright ♫
♫ So easily forgotten, the most important thing ♫
♫ is that I love you, I do ♫
♫ And I want to spend my days and nights ♫
♫ walking through this crazy world with you ♫
♫ That's right, baby ♫
♫ Life is beautiful, life is wondrous ♫
♫ Every star above is shining just for us ♫
♫ Life is beautiful, on a stormy night ♫
♫ Somewhere in the world the sun is shining ♫
♫ Shining bright ♫ ♫